A New Year, A New Perspective

We are already five days into the new year and I've been contemplating writing a new blog post for days. In a way, I've completely abandoned this little blog and feeling that way as prevented me from writing. But the more I've thought about the more I've realized I still want this blog to exist in some form. 

Last year, I started this blog right around this time. I was really excited about my 365home project and had great goals and plans for the year. I'm so thankful for those goals and for my 365home project, even though I didn't accomplish all of them. They still provided some great things in 2011. Lots of photos of my sweet girl Lyla being the most important. But then something happened around month 8. I was exhausted from a baby who wasn't sleeping and we were away from home for weeks. Suddenly, keeping up with this blog just wasn't exciting to me and I couldn't keep up so instead of just slowing down, I just stopped.

That one act explains so much about my personality and why I want to go into this new year with a different perspective. I'm kind of an all or nothing girl. Either work out 4 times a week or don't work out at all. Eat perfectly healthy or eat whatever you want. Spend time with God for at least 30 minutes, read bible, journal, and pray or don't do anything.

One of the biggest aha moments of this past year came on a gettaway with my love. We were answering some questions about our marriage. He asked me, "What attribute would you like me to help you grow in this year?" I quickly responded, "Self-control and self discipline." He sat there for a moment and looked at me and then said, "That's interesting, can I tell you what I think you need to grow in?" How can you respond with any answer other than a resounding "YES!" He then said, "I think you need to learn to live in grace." This lead to a lengthy converstion of Adam sharing some observations of what he has seen in my life and let me just tell you it was life changing. I'm so thankful for a husband who loves me and knows me so well. He is so gentle with my heart but still speaks truth I desperately need to hear.

It seems that God was trying to speak to me too because the very next day I was reading the book I brought with me on our getaway and what was the chapters I read about? Living in grace instead of the law. Suddenly, I saw the way I have lived my life for years and knew it was time to ask God to help me learn to live another way. Months have gone on since then and I'm slowly starting to grasp what living in grace looks like and let me just tell you it feels foreign and even a little scary but very freeing at the same time.

So instead of making a list of goals and things I think I should be this year, my one intention is to continue to let God show me how to live in grace instead of the law. So what does that mean for this blog? It means I want to get back to posting a little more regularily but it probably will not be every day. I hope to post more pictures of our everyday life but no 365home project this year. At least not now. Maybe when baby number two arrives I may feel compelled to start another project just to capture his/her little life.

So if anyone is still reading this blog, hopefully you'll be reading some posts more often, and hopefully I'll be living in more grace.