It's not hard to decide what you want your life to be about. What's hard is figuring out what you are willing to give up in order to do what you really care about.
This is the thought that has been repeating in my head today. I absolutely love being a mom but I think I'm still adjusting to some of the things I have to give up in order to be the kind of mom I want to be. I'm still in the process of figuring it all out. I have to keep reminding myself that Lyla is only 10 weeks old and it's ok to have unanswered questions, uncomfortable feelings, and even some fears. Somedays I miss the feeling of significance that came from being on campus every day and even being thanked sometimes for making a difference. I was telling Adam that I'm so thankful I get to be home with Lyla for the most part but she doesn't tell me, "Hey mom, thanks so much for feeding me. Your milk is delicious!" or "Thanks for coming back in and picking me up for the third time during my nap. I was really having a hard time falling asleep and you holding me close finally helped me surrender to sleep."
I know the kind of family and marriage I want to have and I think I even know some of the things I need to do to get them, but it's the daily sacrifices that feel hard sometimes. It reminds me how much my identity needs to be in Christ in not in what others think of me. Lyla is my little disciple now and I pray daily she will grow to be a mighty warrior in God's kingdom. She is the greatest gift!
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